Sometimes I'm just a grump

and sometimes it just feels good to be grumpy. So here's a list of my least favorite things:

People who are naturally thin
People who say, "I try but I just can't put on weight!"
People who say, "I can eat anything I want and I never gain an ounce!"
People who say, "I have to work really hard to look like this!" (baloney. Chances are you have no idea what working hard is)
Plantar Fascitis (look it up. It hurts like !#$% for months)
Forwarded emails telling me that Barack Obama is a terrorist; broccoli causes cancer; every man in a parking lot is waiting to attack me; global warming is a scam; global warming will kill all life on earth in 10 years; we need to ban all coins because some of them don't say "In God We Trust;" or that if I forward it to 10 people Bill Gates will send me 7 trillion dollars. Barack Obama is not a terrorist; broccoli will cause cancer if it was grown in a nuclear waste facility but otherwise it won't; if a man is waiting to attack me in a parking lot I'm pretty sure he'll get me no matter how many ridiculous emails I get; global warming is NOT a scam; global warming IS a scam; THE COINS DO SAY "IN GOD WE TRUST," JUST LOOK ON THE SIDE; AND, AND IF YOU TAKE NOTHING ELSE AT ALL AWAY FROM THIS, PLEASE BELIEVE ME: * BILL * GATES * WILL ***NOT*** SEND * YOU * MONEY * FOR * FORWARDING * EMAIL. What will happen, however, is that all the spammers out there who are forwarded the email with thousands of email addresses on it, INCLUDING YOURS, will have a new confirmed address to add to their collection. Think about it.

But I digress. Continuing:

Gossip
Four dollar a gallon gas
Having to feel grateful for the crappy things that happen to me just because "it could be worse"
Psychotic next door neighbors who have a video camera pointed at YOUR back yard
Carbs
The cute shoes I just bought that are slowly destroying my feet
Spiders
Bad grammar
Trying to keep my 4 year old quiet in church
Trying to keep myself quiet in church
LAUNDRY
And, last but not least, almost EVERY BLASTED DRIVER I HAVE ENCOUNTERED IN THE PAST 20 YEARS. Do you not know what is supposed to happen at a stop sign? Do you think it's safer to follow two feet behind my bumper? DO YOU REALLY THINK RACING THROUGH TRAFFIC TO GET TWO CARS AHEAD OF ME IS GOING TO SAVE YOU TIME? Then again, go ahead and race. Since gas is four bucks a gallon, I can just sit back and laugh.

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That feels better.

Things to do before I die

Run a marathon
Write a fiction novel
Write a non-fiction book on my experiences
Publish a fiction novel
Publish a non-fiction book on my experiences
Be on the P.T.A.
Run for public office
Take on the insurance industry and win
Do something entirely for myself and for no one else
Do something entirely for someone else and not at all for me
See a Broadway play on Broadway
Shop for nice clothes at Bloomingdale's
Take the kids to Europe
Take the kids to Disney World
Take Mike on a trip around the world
See the Aurora Borealis from the North Pole
Play my violin in front of more than 1000 people
Teach my kids to play the violin
Be rich enough that I can afford to teach violin for free to kids who can't afford private lessons
Hike the Mormon Trail
Backpack in and camp in an undeveloped area
Hike around the base of Mount Everest, because climbing it would be irresponsible since I have kids
Read a novel by a different author every month for a decade
Meet Alan Rickman
Be mistaken for a beautiful famous person
Become a beautiful famous person

If people want to know who I am, it is all in the work. - Alan Rickman